31July 2020

Evr since the year has started i never imagined .......it would pass so early.....feels like yesterday was 1st jan but today  july has almost most ended........august is about to start and  just 4-5 months entire year shall pass...just because of a microorganism...........a microorganism that locked evry person limited to their houses...And the locked down  period has has changed my life 360 degrees....I have to leave my old lovely home and city.........I m here in new home...........So big.....So luxurious... But why my heart does not stay here......i feel invisible me.......seems like things have become numb.......
i feel like all my past is just erased...........Just like a blank canvas...........with white background...........i look around the forest trees.......I look around the birds singing in the chorus...........But why i still find this as shrill sound.......not melodious.........or may be its not reaching clearly in my ears...........or my be not connecting to my heart............

I deep nothingness has somewhere crept in...........I see people...so many people..............But almost no one to talk to..........I see evry day as pointless......Almost blank............with no excitement to cherish anything...........seems like dreams are drowning.........Or may be dreams are fading from the eyes............Or are they just dying a slowly.................

Anxiety has crept in.......No Goals are achieved despite reaching at a age where people start earning i m just bank corrupt....No single penny..........Almost an escape from social interactions......escape from the questions what are you doing right now...........a long period of time and still alive like a failure.....sometimes i feel tired........i feel fatigue.....no hunger for food........just like  nothing ness...........i has not happened to me till now.............

But the most dangerous thing is.........I m confused.......helpless.....demotivated......no self esteem...........and has become comfortable with failures so much that even success do not excite me........I feel like want to talk to someone.....but to whom?.....i feel a deep sense of insecurity towards my future.....i see no way.....neither i see you....i can;t see you too.........you are my courage,,,,,,My best friend..........my love......my partner.....i want to relive my dreams..............i want to accomplish my dreams....

dream of going back to chandigarh
dream back to join gym and get fit just like gauri
dream of buying my own thar and roaming in sec 17
dream of getting a perfect mangerial level job in sec 17.
dream of loving someone so whole heartedly so fearlessly
dream of being held by a strong man's arms
dream of walking around sec 17 with you in rainly day
dream of sipping a coffee in a fine chilly winters of december in sec 17
dream of walking on the yellow leaves of spring in the mornings when summers are on the way
dream of getting my ownself back........
dream of getting back that funny amicable confident me back
dream of taking my parents to a foreign trip,,,,,,,
dream of getting wardrobe of pastels and pink shades...
dream of getting married with you......
dream of staying with you forever in your arms.
dream of sharing our laughs together.......
dream of falling in love some day......
dream of feeling you in someday........
dream of being touched by you someday...
dream of putting you in arms and just have a closure someday......
dream of seeing us in a frame someday............
dream of a thing called marriage someday.........
dream of being with you someday............

When the time shall pass?
when this monotony shall pass?
when the life will hit back.....
when the love will stike us both...
when  the you in my thoughts will eventually take a shape..........
when will the universe bring us together........
when will the tough time shall pass.........
when will the things get normalized..............

but yeah....no matter what......i deeply love you........i hope we shall meet soon..............as i immensly love you...and waiting for you